Talking it Out
Author(s)
Lorne Fultonberg
Writer
Students undergo a transformative experience through a retreat focused on dialogue and understanding
Riding a bus to scenic Estes Park, all sophomore Scott Romano could think about was the feeling of pulling out his fingernails.
Even that had to be less painful than the retreat he had signed up for and now somewhat dreaded.
鈥淚 came in thinking, 鈥榦h, God, what are we going to talk about? Am I going to have to share feelings?鈥欌 says Romano, an economics and international business double major. 鈥淭here was a lot of tension. A lot of, 鈥業鈥檓 not going to be able to open up to these people and share.鈥欌
For the 27 students on the inaugural听快活app DialogUes听retreat, insecurity and uncertainty seemed to be the only things they had in common. But they were prepared to spend the three-day Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend sharing, listening and understanding one another.
Over the course of the next 72 hours, the students of all backgrounds grew closer, laughing and crying together as they engaged in what is known as sustained dialogue. The task? Tackle 15 of the most divisive and most uncomfortable topics in society today 鈥 things like race, gender, religion, privilege and oppression. And do it without data, statistics or arguments.
鈥淚t鈥檚 not your opinion about something, but what鈥檚 your life experience on a particular challenge?鈥 says Erin Saxon, a program manager with Inclusion and Equity Education in the division of听Campus Life and Inclusive Excellence (CLIE).听鈥淚t鈥檚 great that you have this background or this coursework or a strongly worded opinion, but what is your living experience?鈥
Reaching a point where it was comfortable to share those experiences took time, says Rosie O鈥機onnor, a student in the听听who served as a facilitator for the weekend. But when that moment happened, it was transformative, even for a more experienced dialoguer like herself.
鈥淭here is this trust and vulnerability there,鈥 she says. 鈥淚 think there was acceptance and support in my group, not competitiveness. It was: 鈥業 see you, I hear you, that鈥檚 your experience, that鈥檚 OK.鈥欌
When a student of color on the retreat described the need to work harder than white students for similar success, 鈥淚 was personally changed and moved by that perspective,鈥 O鈥機onnor says. 鈥淎nd it was because I had a deep, committed relationship to this person. It was so impactful for me that now I see in a way that I had not.鈥
For the first time, O鈥機onnor was witnessing the concrete results of sustained dialogue: the relationship building, the stories and the experiences.
Still, many students left the retreat feeling unsatisfied, their conversations unfinished. Erin Saxon in CLIE says that鈥檚 the point. The dialogue is to be left open and continued.
快活app DialogUes wants to keep that conversation going, with new events designed to carve out a different kind of space for talking.听Beginning Monday, Feb. 12, different groups will convene听to discuss ability, mental health and immigration. No expertise or even prior knowledge is necessary.
It will likely feel different from the typical academic discussion or debate, Saxon says. There are no 鈥渨inners.鈥 Nor is the goal to convince anyone of anything or bring them to a particular side of an issue.
Scott Romano, the once-uncomfortable student, feels a sometimes-siloed campus could use the transformation he underwent.
鈥淭he things I learned, so many people can benefit from,鈥 he says. 鈥淚 think we have to break down the tension and animosity to realize that we鈥檙e all still students and we all have passions and we want to make the world a better place. There鈥檚 a place for everyone at the table. We have to recognize we鈥檙e all in this together.鈥
